lördag 4 maj 2013

feeling tired or just awkward

When things doesn't go as planned and it makes you so tired. All these little things that goes wrong, in the end they make you tired.
But someone says "You don't do much, you shouldn't be tired." Yes, I know.
Or when you feel a little bit down/low self-esteem and someone says "You have this and you got that, you should be happy." Yes, I know.
Oh, I'm feeling automatically happy again.
Not really.
Just because I should be happy, it doesn't make me happy. It makes me feel worse. I have no right to feel down. Feeling guilty, when there's other people out there having it alot worse.
Maybe I am tired because I don't do much, that's the reason. I want to do much, I want my plans to work. A while back I fighted for it, thought "if I fight hard enough, it will happen". But no, it doesn't. Along the way, I accepted life. I accepted that life doesn't work out as you planned it to do. Some things are impossible to change/affect.
Did I stop fighting for good? Do I just accept things because I'm too tired to care?
I don't know.
I just know that when I tell you that I'm not that happy/feeling tired, I don't wanna hear how I should feel. I just want to hear that it is okay to feel down and it is getting better soon, but in meanwhile you're getting me a hug and an ice cream.

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eller vad tycker du?